Idle Conversations
by VladimirRose
Summary: Sebastian and Claude indulge in a late night conversation.


**A/N: Hello this is my very first fanfic ever! I decided to give it a shot and wanted to give my writing virtue away to Sebastian. So be nice everyone. Criticism is welcomed so read & review. **

**Also I don't own anything but this plot line and even that can be debated. **

Idle Conversations

Sebastian and Claude sat in the smoking room of the Phantomhive manor. Each was sprawled out on opposite ends of the dark blue couch. Sebastian was leaned back his raven hair tousled, jacket and gloves off. His starched white shirt unbuttoned to reveal a vast expanse of glistening moonlit skin. His head was leaned back while he inhaled a long drag from his cigarette and his crimson eyes heavy lidded. He was the very picture of a relaxed and contented sex god. Claude was not in much better condition on the other end of the couch. His own jet hair was slicked back with sweat and while he still had all of his clothes on they were loosened and sometime during the night he had lost his socks and shoes. He stared at his smooth white feet and black toenails as he took a swig of tequila in his hand. His own honey colored eyes were a little unfocused and there was slight genuine smile on his lips. It was clear that the two demon butlers were quite drunk by this point in the evening.

Above them a steady pounding could be heard occasionally accompanied by moans and whimpers. Claude looks up after a particularly loud moan could be heard from Alois. "Damn those two are still at it?" Claude said as he looked at the clock on the mantel. "It's been hours. Don't they ever get tired?"

Sebastian lifted his head and let out a long plume of smoke. "Whenever the fans get hold of those two the sex scenes can last for quite some time. Just be grateful that we are not apart of tonight's entertainment. "With that Sebastian handed the cigarette to Claude and took the bottle of tequila for himself.

Claude took a puff before replying, "When I dropped his highness off for this I didn't expect it to be an all night affair. Besides I rarely end up as the subject these sorts of stories. Mine always end with me getting beaten and killed. Why is that?"

"Because everyone thinks of you as a creepy pedophile who killed the only person who could possible love you…, Sebastian said nonchalantly as he sat up, "Also you're a thief and the fans frown upon soul stealing.". Claude glared at him but only took a drag from his cigarette. "Besides do you really want to have your sexual encounters described in detail by a group of perverted girls who only get off on yaoi scenes?"

Claude seemed to think about that for a second; clearly the answer was yes, but Claude chose to let the matter drop. "Anyway since you seem to be so against sleeping with the young masters who would you write yourself with in one of these fanfictions?

Sebastian stretched and set the tequila down, "I am not against anything, but if I had a choice I would want a woman; any woman would due, just so long as it was a real life female."

"What's so special about women," Claude said before he sipped at the bottle. Sebastian arched his eyebrow and Claude sighed, "Breasts" they said in unison falling in rancorous laughter. After a moment the two settled down. Sebastian sat up and said, "I mean those two upstairs are skin and bones. I miss curves. I miss long hair. I miss the high pitch moans only females can make. "He sighed as he reached for another cigarette. Claude eyes narrowed and he smirked, "Who would you sleep with…" Sebastian laughed again… "No seriously think about it if you could choose which female that we know would you a) marry, b) sleep with and c) devour their soul." Sebastian sat up with a sly grin, "I remember this game I played it all the time as kid. Give me a second to think about it. Why don't you go first."

Claude looked surprised at first. He really didn't think this conversation would steer back to him. Leaning back against the couch he paused to think about his choices. Sebastian took a long swig and finished off the first bottle of tequila. With a slightly unsteady gate he walked over to the cabinet to retrieve two more bottles. All the while his crimson eyes fixed on the other demon butler. "Well…" he said once he was seated with another open bottle, "I'm waiting."

Claude sat up again and took a deep breath, "I guess if I had to marry someone it would be Hannah." Sebastian almost choked on his tequila, "Hannah really… demon Hannah… I mean that an okay choice… I guess." "What's wrong with Hannah?" Claude said a little insulted. "Nothing, nothing at all" Sebastian backtracked passing the bottle over to Claude as a peace offering. "It's just that she's a little on the meek side in my opinion… but if you like that sort of thing it's fine".

Claude sighed as if he was dealing with a child, "As always Michaelis you are wrong. That meek persona is only for his highness's sake. When we are alone she is as devious, vicious, and ruthless as we are. She is a demon after all. So marriage to Hannah would be like marrying any other demon thus it is a sound and reasonable choice. Plus she's a brickhouse I mean T & A for days."

Sebastian looked at Claude a little shocked that he was still able to speak so coherently after so much alcohol. "Well professor…" he said slowly trying to match Claude in clarity, "with such compelling evidence I believe I concur that marriage to Hannah is a fine idea and as such we should drink to such a well thought out plan" with that Sebastian opened the third bottle and took a deep slug as Claude drank from the second. When he lowered to the bottle he look at Claude; "Okay now who would you bed?"

"That's easy" Claude said pacing back and forth in front of the unlit fireplace, "I would sleep with Mey-Rin. Before you say anything hear me out. This is just sex; no type of relationship. Based on body alone Mey-Rin cuts quite a lovely figure. Plus I got a thing for glasses, maid uniforms, and clumsy blushing girls. I think she is absolutely perfect for a one night stand". Sebastian didn't even look up from where he sat. "I agree Mey-Rin was made for a one night stand. Moving on who soul would you devour."

"Well this one is a bit harder to explain but I would eat your master's fiancée. I don't know what her name is but it's that hyper girl his highness danced with." Claude said as he stopped pacing. His hands gestured as if he was trying to remember something. "Her name is Elizabeth Midford. Why the hell would you choose her?" Sebastian said a look of slight disgust forming on his face. "I mean she is so sweet…" Before he could finish Claude cut him off, "That exactly why I would because she is so nauseatingly sweet. I figured her soul would be a dessert like eating a piece of cake or an éclair." Sebastian still looked skeptical, "The only problem with that is by the time she would be able to make a contract with you her soul would no long be sweet." Claude walked back to the couch lighting up one of Sebastian cigarettes, "Alright if you have it all figured out enlighten me professor."

Sebastian smirked; donning his glasses he stood in front of the fireplace, "If you insist on a lesson Claude here is one you should pay close attention to. When it comes to marriage we demons should avoid our own kind as much as possible. While it is essential that our mates have the same interests as us can you imagine what would happen should you choose to end your relationship with Hannah?" Claude suddenly had a mental image of ex-wife Hannah chasing him through hell with an ax; those annoying triplets in tow. "Point taken eternity is a long time to have a powerful ex-wife after you. Who is your choice?" Sebastian eyed Claude, "Madame Angelina Dalles Burnett otherwise known as Madam Red. Think about it based off the Jack the Ripper case we already know she can be as vicious, blood-thirsty, and cruel as any demon. Plus she is mortal; if she ever became a bother she can be eliminated without much difficulty." "What about her bad habit of groping you?"Claude said; but Sebastian quickly said, "I don't actually mind the groping it just that she is so brazen about it. If I was her husband she wouldn't need to commit such acts in public and well in private…"Sebastian smirked suggestively. Claude took another drink from his bottle as he contemplated what the red eyed demon said. "Truly Sebastian that is demented and psychotic thinking; I didn't think you had it in you. I want to change my answer to marrying Madam Red as well."

Still in his professor persona Sebastian continued, "Now class we will continue with proper demon mating. For a 'one night stand' I suggest the Marchioness Francis Phantomhive Midford." Here Sebastian paused knowing what was coming. As he predicted Claude jumped up from the couch, "Now wait a minute how can you mock me for waiting the fiancée's soul when you actually want to sleep with her mother." Sebastian pushed his glasses down and looked at Claude distain in his glare. "You obviously have not had the pleasure of meeting Lady Francis." Claude had to admit he had not met the woman in question. The only reason he even know of the daughter was because of when the His Highness danced with her. He nodded. "I thought so," Sebastian said, "These two are nothing alike. While the daughter is all sweetness and fluff the mother is made of sterner stuff. Her personality is so prim and proper it makes even a demon of my standing think twice about contradicting her." Here Claude frowned, "She sounds like a prude. Why would she make a good one night stand again?"

Here Sebastian took of his glasses and leaned in close to Claude, "Exactly she is a prude. Humans by their very nature are hypocrites; so someone who is a prude during the day must be …" Claude eyes widened as he caught on to Sebastian logic, "Are you saying she is a slut?" Sebastian smirk grew into a conspiratorial grin, "Of course not I am simply saying she is repressed. Anyone that reserved must be holding back something spectacular. You my dear Claude want to devour the cupcake that is her cub. I on the other hand want to bed the lioness. Not only would it be satisfying to break her composure there is something to be said for experience. She is not young like the others, but she has aged like fine wine and I would gladly partake of that particular vintage." With that Sebastian stood back up replaced his glasses and took up his bottle. Claude just let out the breath he had not known he was holding. "Well Michaelis you do paint a lovely picture." He said as he too picked up his bottle. They both sat there in companionable silence thinking about the dear Lady Francis.

After a while Claude glance over to Sebastian. He was leaned back on the couch with his eyes closed; glasses removed, and looked deep in thought. Claude almost decided to not to bother him but he wanted to finish their game. "Alright Michaelis I must admit you had some interesting choices so I am somewhat eager to find out who would tempt your palette." Claude said only slightly sarcastic. Sebastian opened his eyes, "I was just thinking about that. As you said my palette is only for high quality souls after all I chose Ciel. The only other soul that might be worth the trouble is…" Claude leaned in close as Sebastian whispered the next words, "Rachel Phantomhive."

"The Earl's mother, really Michaelis you do have a thing for older women," Claude said disappointed. Sebastian sat up slowly and grabbed Claude's wrist before he could get up. Claude looked at the other demon and saw Sebastian was no longer drunk there was a slight glow to his eyes and his face was quite serious. "I'm serious Faustus, "Sebastian continued still in a hushed tone, "the soul of Rachel Phantomhive... its something that must have been remarkable. Just look at the child she produced. The thing that is so tempting about the young master's soul is that despite how corrupt it is there is purity in it. If he hadn't made a deal with me the boy might have made it to heaven even with all the hate he carries. So imagine what the mother must have been like. From the bits and pieces I have heard she was as innocent as they come, but that can't be true. There is no possible way that some that innocent could live with a man as blood thirsty and cunning as the Queen's watchdog and remain pure. Not unless she was like Ciel; pure and wicked as well as absolutely delectable. She is the only soul I could imagine would tempt as much as this current contract. Such a pity a she is long gone; an unattainable soul." Claude couldn't help staring at Sebastian once more as the demon lay back on the couch and once again closed his eyes. 'There is more to this young demon than I thought. He really put a lot of thought into his choices,' Claude realized, 'funny how such a frivolous conversation can be so enlightening. We must have more in the future.' That was Claude's last thought as he leaned back on the other side of the couch. Above they could still hear the sounds of the young earls' lovemaking, but each demon was lost in their own world of soft curves, long hair and sweet souls. There they would remain until the sun rose; then they resumed their duties and cared for their respective charges. That is at least until next time.


End file.
